The Sunday Best: Basic Joy

09.26.21

Society has a tendency to label the things that women take joy in as ‘basic’ or ‘cheugy’. Love fall? Adore pumpkin spice lattes? Wear Lululemon? Drink flavored waters? Have a tabletop full of scented candles? Watch The Bachelor or Real Housewives? Prepare to be mocked.

But if there’s one thing that I’ve learned during the pandemic, it’s that there is not an endless supply of joy in this world. You have to take your levity, your delight where you can get it. And women shouldn’t be made fun of or degraded for the things that bring them joy.

Since we were young girls, we’ve been pressured into abandoning the things we love because they’re not cool enough for others. Whether it’s the music we listen to, the shows we watch, the clothes we wear, the hobbies we enjoy, or the snacks we eat, we’ve all given up something because of ridicule.

In college, I was mocked repeatedly for having a mint-in-box Thundercat on a shelf in my dorm room. It was a gift, and it always made me smile to think of the story behind it. But eventually, after the umpteenth cutting joke, I put it away. A few weeks ago, I found it in a box in my office and found that it now brings me more sadness than joy.

So how do we steal back the light from the darkness? How do we reclaim our joy?

First off, we need to remember that the things that make us happy, the things that bring us joy have value.

Maybe you love the Kardashians. Maybe you have drawers full or lipsticks, glosses, and balms. Maybe you watch 1980s detective shows instead of the hot new thing on Netflix. Maybe you read Cosmo or Teen Vogue. Maybe you love astrology, or porcelain figurines, or Bath and Body Works.

If these thing bring happiness and lightness to your life, fight for them. Don’t hide them away. Unapologetically advocating for the things that make you happy is advocating for your right, and the right of every woman, to feel joy.

Second, we have to lay off other women. For generations, we’ve been taught that you never want to be ‘that girl.’ The girl wearing tall boots in 2021. The girl who posts too many cat videos to social media. The girl who drinks ‘Pink Drink’ or listens to K-Pop.

We’ve been taught that it’s not enough to be into something society has deemed cool, you have to be willing to ridicule the things we’ve deemed uncool. Whole industries have been built mocking the joys and likes of women, and I’m as guilty as anyone for participating. But we just have to put the slings and arrows down and make room for the joys of our fellow women.

None of us will do a perfect job at this, but genuine effort could yield valuable results. Because if we stop ridiculing the ‘basic’ things that bring women joy, maybe men won’t feel so comfortable telling us what the right way to be happy is.

Own your joy. It’s a valuable commodity.

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Love Thirtyish? Share this newsletter with your friends. I hope you have a joyful week, remember to steal delight where you can.

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